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It’s a given that physical attraction matters while finding a romantic partner. And while online dating, it can often seem like the most important thing—if not the only thing—that matters to people who are deciding whether to click yes or swipe right on someone they may be interested in. If you’re online dating while overweight, the fact that your first impression is primarily based on looks can dramatically change your experience.
To get a better idea of what it’s really like to online date while overweight, I talked to a variety of daters and was surprised by the diversity of experiences and opinions. How did they make online dating work for them? There were a few key takeaways that shaped their experiences and how they approached meeting someone online:
Learning to Address the Realities
Many of those who are considered overweight go online knowing that there are some people who have already decided not to be with them, even before seeing a single picture or having a single conversation. But they aren’t just dealing with the reality of people rejecting them because of their weight, they’re also handling interactions with those who pursue them because of it.
“If you are an overweight person doing online dating, you have to have a pretty good self-esteem to survive it,” said Jessie, an online dater. “Even for a good-looking person, the process of having people analyze whether or not they want to date you based almost strictly on a handful of pictures and a few words is intimidating. For an overweight person, you go into it knowing that your choices are going to be limited and that you are probably going to experience a good bit of rejection.”
Many of the men and women spoke of getting less attention than others do. Some also received insulting messages or overly sexual come-ons centered solely on their weight.
“The vast majority utterly ignore you and the rest see you as a fetish object,” said one online dater, Julia, about her experience.
However, despite the drawbacks and difficulties, a few daters felt hopeful that their dating lives would change as the pounds came off. And many found success—and loving partners—staying exactly as they were, weight and all.
Picking the Right Photos
We all want to look our best while trying to attract our potential dates and mates. When it comes to picking photos, though, those who are overweight have a split in philosophies regarding how much of themselves to show.
“I get more matches by putting up pictures that somewhat downplay my overweightness, while still not giving the impression that I’m thin,” said one dater, Shawna.
“I used flattering selfies, usually with an Instagram filter on it,” said another dater, Melanie. “I had one with my dog because she’s important to me. And then one full body shot, but it was from the renaissance fair and I was wearing a bodice, so I looked smaller than I am. I sort of wanted to give them an idea of my size without trying to instantly put them off. And if the pictures got their attention, my personality could win them over.”
But others, like Rachel, emphasized the importance of being forthcoming from the outset.
“It’s been beaten into our heads that people don’t want to date fat people. They will hide their weight with clever angles, with their cleavage up or with face-only shots, and by using fuzzy euphemisms like ‘curvy,’ ” Rachel said. “I found the most success when I was the most honest about it.
“I used multiple full-length, recent body shots,” she went on. “I probably got fewer messages than the average woman, but that was OK because the messages I got were usually of quality. There was no ‘Does he like fat chicks?’ worry in my head. I was confident he knew what I looked like—and that he chose to message me.”
One dater Kevin mentioned that he looked different in his photos since he lost 100 pounds over the course of a year. But it wasn’t just the obvious weight loss that made a difference in how he looked.
“My self-confidence increased exponentially. I was happy to have photos taken of myself and share them on dating sites,” he said. “The photos I’d use would be of me doing more activities. As opposed to just a cropped face picture or sneaky angles to hide my weight, my new photos would include me, my full body visible, and I’d be genuinely smiling. The traffic to my profile increased. Women were more willing to meet up with me, and I turned a handful of them into decent relationships.”
Navigating Early Conversations
Online dating is more than window shopping. As many pretty faces as there are, ultimately the point is to talk to someone else and find out if you want to meet them.
Melanie made sure her conversations mentioned her weight at some point so that it was out in the open early.
“I’m not one to beat around the bush about that kind of thing,” she explained. “No sense in false advertising. If you don’t want to meet me because I’m fat, that’s your problem. Plenty of guys don’t care. Especially ones who just want a hook-up.”
But there are plenty of men who message women specifically because they are overweight.
“There are men who will contact me with the sole pickup line of ‘I like big women’ or some variation,” said Laurie. “No real introduction. No real attempt at connection. No presentation of any other value they might add to my life. It’s as if merely being sexually attracted to a body like mine should be enough to sweep me off my feet!”
Jessie said comments like those can be taken two ways and that how she interprets them depends on what’s said, and how it’s said.
“On the one hand, you know up front that talking to that person is not a waste of time,” she said. “On the other hand, mentioning that they like big women nods a little toward the idea that they may be looking for something purely sexual.”
Similar to what all woman face while online dating, some men don’t take rejection well and decide to lash out.
“It happened almost every time I rejected a man,” Rachel said. “They’d say: ‘You’re fat anyway, I didn’t want you,’ or ‘You should be grateful anyone even wants to talk to your fat ass.’ I expected that and blew it off.”
“When I’ve met someone and can tell we’re not a conversational fit and tell them ‘Thanks, but no thanks,’ they seem shocked,” explained another dater, Laurie. “I think the implication is maybe a fat person shouldn’t be so picky and shouldn’t have high standards of our own.”
Finding Someone Who Values You
Despite the ups and downs of dating, there’s still good people out there genuinely interested in connecting. That rings true for most of us who have gone through frustrating periods while online dating, only to discover good connections, have good dates, and find good candidates for both hook-ups and relationships.
“You can meet your soul mate online,” Melanie, who met her partner in 2014, said. “When I met mine, my first thought was he was so out of my league because he is so fit and tall and just so very handsome. I never thought I would be with someone I thought was a 10. I always thought I would have to date someone physical flawed because I myself am ‘flawed.’ I have learned to love myself and accept my body.”
“We’ve now been married five years, and he’s completely supporting my weight loss efforts and eating the healthy dinners I’m making,” Penny, who met her husband in 2007, said. “For everyone struggling, please keep trying.”
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Dating. It’s hard. For everyone. But today, we are not talking about everyone, we are talking about dating as a curvy person. All day we see images of made-up models on advertisements and photoshopped and filtered selfies on our Instagram feeds. All of this can enforce ideas that we may be not be good looking enough to attract a mate! It can be especially nerve-racking when you are simply representing yourself with 5 pictures and 100-word dating bios! Curvier singles worry about what kind of pictures to put up, and how their date might react to their bodies in real life. And it’s not just big and beautiful ladies who worry about their looks! Guys feel the pressure too. There is a lot of pressure to be muscular and fit, amongst a host of other qualities. Compare a man and a woman’s dating app matches, and it’s clear that it’s a lot easier for women to find dates than it is for men!
The Challenges of Chubby Dating For Women
You don’t know his type.
You’ve lived in your body for many years, and you know there are men who admire women with a little or a lot more. But that does not mean it’s always easy to know which guys out there are into girls your type!
When we already may feel really self-conscious it can be difficult to open up and let a guy know you are interested. Also, a lot of guys are not super open about enjoying chubby dating. They may feel pressure from their friend group or colleagues to date thin or skinny women.
Now, in my opinion, you should never date a guy who isn’t proud to show you off in public, but they may need a safe space to try and get to know plus-sized women, Especially if they are shy or not very social.
You Don’t Know What to Wear.
We all know sizes are limited for plus sized girls, it can be hard to find something to wear for a special date night when you really want to make a good impression. Girls in smaller sizes have tons of cute options to pick from before heading out for Friday night happy hour with a new boo. B
ig and beautiful women, well, the options can be limited. I suggest finding a couple of cute outfits well in advance of a date, ao and have a look in your closet totally prepared! Remember, that guy is there for YOU, not your dress.
It’s great to make a stunning first impression, but your smile and personality are the things he will really remember when he calls you up for date #2!
The Challenges of Dating as a Plus Sized Man
Having Your Masculinity Questioned.
Physical expectations of women is a common topic in society. But, men have a lot they need to live up to, too! Men are expected to be tall, strong, muscular, good at sports, and wealthy, don’t forget about the chiseled jawline!
But this is just not the reality for most men! Shout out to the internet for popularizing the word “dad bod”, a time when women all over the web expressed how much they really love a guy with, ahem, softer edges. I’m not quite sure the fellas want to be called curvy. The truth is, a lot of women could care less if their man as a gym body or looks like a pro athlete. Masculinity is not defined by muscles
Should You Talk About Weight?
Bigger guys dating cuvy girls might not be sure if they should bring weight up at all. Some people with some extra weight on them are the type that are always looking to drop a few pounds and get closer towards their goal weight.
Others are content being on the curvy side, and some people are just genetically bigger! It wil probably be important for a man to find a woman who has similiar views on living with or without the extra weight, or they could end up with some tension or resentment between the two of them.
You’ve Got Male – So Much of Dating is in The Inbox!
The world of dating is almost completely online these days. It’s considered inappropriate to flirt at work, no one wants to be that awkward neighbor, and more and more men are worried about bothering women in public.
Singles of all ages pretty much need to be on some kind of dating website app in order to have a chance at meeting someone new! There are thousands of online dating services, that’s right — thousands. There are the super common ones like Tinder, POF, OkCupid, and Bumble — but tons of other niche dating sites are showing up around the web as well.
So Where Should Big and Beautiful People Find Dates?
The most popular dating sites don’t have a ton of information about the person, and you rely mostly on pictures and a few blurbs to decide if you might want to give that person a chance.
All of the options, with little to go off of, can feel really overwhelming for people who are looking for something meaningful. So, people turn to niche dating sites to be more specific and intentional with their dating. It can be hard to know which sites will actually have valuable members or members at all!
Check out some dating sites reviews before you pour too much time into a new app. Dating can be frustrating and disappointing enough as it is, it’s best to go in armed with knowledge and set your self up for success! Make sure you just get on the best plus size dating sites.
A lot of curvy women dating online are choosing to use curvy dating apps to connect them to the right men. Gone are the days of believing that men aren’t interested in “dating a fat girl”.
Where to Find Dating Sites For Plus Size Women and Men
So what kind of plus-sized dating websites are there out there? Well, you have a few different genres. There are “fat people dating sites”, which are meant to connect plus sized singles to one another. Some people choose to go to overweight dating sites because they want to date another hot curvy person just like themselves!
A lot of the websites out there seem geared toward big girls dating thinner guys, but don’t worry, there are dating sites for fat guys too. They are sometimes just named creatively, and often marketing as big women dating sites.
If you are looking for curves connect style dating sites, try WooPlus, which markets itself as a space for plus-sized women, but it is not just a fat dating site. Anyone is welcome to join WooPlus, but it is definitely a placed were dating a fat girl is seen as normal or even celebrated.
It’s a great place to get started whether you are a man or a woman. Another popular website is called Feabie, they call themselves a social network for fat admirers. On Feabie you might find more of the types who fetishize bigger men and women but not necessarily.
Focus on The Big Girls
There are also dating websites geared toward big girls dating men who may not share the same body type! There are men of all shapes and sizes who love hot curvy women, from the slightly chubby to a lot more to love.
Get your self on curvy women dating app so you know that all of your potential suiters will love the idea of dating you, curves and all! Some of the sites out there can also be a bit fetishy, like a curvy white women dating site.
Although it’s great when people know what they like we want to be careful not to date guys that full-on fetishize dating a fat girl. You don’t want a guy who will only love you for your body, just like you don’t want a guy who will date you despite your body (no! My boyfriend is not doing me a favor by “dating a fat girl”—puh-lease!).
Dating Sites For Free
Some of the most popular sites for big girls dating any sized guy have pretty obvious names such as BBWCUpid and MenWhoLikeBigWomen. On these kinds of websites, you will find no shortage of chubby to fat women dating all kinds of men!
Any Sites Just For Men?
There are not really any solid plus-sized dating websites exclusively marketed towards women looking for bigger guys. Men will have the best options being on an inclusive website that is geared towards bigger couples.
Remember, dating for bigger people is not limited to big and beautiful dating sites! You can hop on any general or niche dating website or app and find the BBW of your dreams!
Dating Sites For Obese People
The most important thing about dating is to remember that there is a special someone out there that sees you exactly as their type! Ok! So now we know where to find sexy curvy singles online, it’s time to research some sites and get your profiles up!