1. Reddit Dating Over
2. Modern Dating Culture Reddit
3. Christian Dating Reddit
4. Dating Subreddits
5. Modern Life Dating Reddit
6. Reddit Dating Apps
7. Reddit Dating Profile

By any measure, Kate Balestrieri is a catch. A 37-year-old psychologist with multiple degrees, her own thriving business in Los Angeles, a sense of humor, and beauty to boot, she’s the kind of person you want to set up with your sweet single friends.

Reddit Dating Over

• To say modern dating is tough may be an understatement, and while dating apps and sites are supposed to make the process easier, for many, technology is often the leading culprit in.
• How do you guys handle modern dating? I felt like I was okay, but women play more games than I thought. Edit: Sex isn’t hard for me to get. It’s emotional commitment. Conclusion: I’ve taken time to read about 400 out of the 500+ comments.
• In a recent Reddit thread, people discussed the modern dating norms they absolutely can't stand — and, if you've been on a dating app recently, chances are pretty good that you'll agree with a lot of them. Having a first date at someone's house. Skipping straight to a 'Netflix & chill' date isn't a great idea.

No more modern dating for me. If you need me, I’ll be over here, enjoying my life until someone comes along and wants to be a bit more realistic with me. 20 Somethings Break ups date better Dating Humor Love Millennials modern dating Relationships Technology The Digital Age this is how we date now Writing.

Even so, Balestrieri is wary enough of today’s straight dating scene that sometimes when she’s out and men ask her what she does for a living, she tells them she’s an eyebrow aesthetician.

“Men are constantly telling me that they’re intimidated by me,” she explains, and fudging the facts saves her from bizarre commentary about how, given her profession, a guy needs to “watch what he’s saying.” But it’s also more than that. Recently, a man she’d been seeing for about a month ended the relationship because, as he put it, her success made him hyper-aware of his own “crippling anxieties and insecurities.” It’s a familiar story that she sees play out in her own treatment rooms, too.

“When did it become a dating liability to have your shit together?”

“When did it become a dating liability to have your shit together?” That’s what Balestrieri wants to know. And she’s far from alone in asking the question.

If Charles Dickens were writing about the heterosexual dating scene of 2018, he might dub the era we’re currently living in both the best of times and the worst of times. There has arguably been no better moment in history to be a single woman: We have more power, autonomy, and choices than ever before. Single women reportedly have better health than their married counterparts, and apparently they’re having more sex, too. While there is still plenty of room for improvement, the future is looking bright.

Still: If you’re a single woman seeking a partner in 2018, it can sometimes feel like you’re wearing shades. Marriage rates have hit historic lows, dating apps are apparently making users depressed, and men appear to be in a full-blown masculinity crisis. Add that to the fact that hookup culture has changed the landscape of our romantic lives, and modern relationships are—in the parlance of our Digital Age—complicated.

Among other things, women who Girlboss spoke with for this story shared that they didn’t date because they work long hours and just want to crash at the end of the day; they said they go on and off apps because, generally speaking, “men are trash.” They said that they date constantly and have to go on “dating cleanses” to gear up for another round; they said that going out on dates makes them value the pleasure of other company—specifically, their own. In short, they spoke with us about the challenges to finding a partner in this day and age, and the way that work has impacted their “single” status over the course of their careers.

One issue that Balestrieri has experienced both firsthand and in her professional experience is that some men are coping badly with the fact that women are now their equals in the workplace—and that frustration is manifest on the dating scene. “[Patients] talk about going out with men who lambast them for being feminists, but if they accept the man’s offer to buy dinner then they are labeled gold diggers,” she says.

Some men are coping badly with the fact that women are now their equals in the workplace—and that frustration is manifest on the dating scene.

If these are the kinds of tales that make a night alone on the couch look pretty good, they also illustrate a root cause of the dating struggle. “It seems that so many men are confused about the dating roles, and have a festering hostility toward women who are outshining or out achieving them,” Balestrieri says, before emphasizing that not all men fit that bill.

Dr. Danielle Forshee, a New Jersey-based psychologist, brought up another pain point: pursuing a dating life necessarily means balancing a personal intimate life with your professional identity.

“The struggle with this is that, in the current state of hookup culture, women who are serious about creating a professional career do not want to feel like they are wasting their precious time, going on multiple dates or participating in back-and-forth text message banter with people that they’re trying to get to know,” Forshee says. When you’re trying to build an empire, who has the time?

Casual dating takes up a ton of time and energy.

That’s a consideration echoed by Violet*, a New York based writer who sees time that she spends pursuing one-off relationships as time she could have otherwise have dedicated to making professional headway. “Casual dating takes up a ton of time and energy,” says Violet, who asked to remain anonymous. (Publicly talking about your dating life is, unfortunately, something that could conceivably have detrimental impact on your dating life.)

Long-term, committed relationships take work too, of course, she says. But dating multiple people in an effort to find that long-term relationship requires a different level of effort. Think of it this way: It takes more energy to pedal a bike than to coast.

“When I’m more serious about dating, I get less done career-wise,” she adds. “The hope is that you find someone you’re compatible with and then you can get back into putting more effort into work, and less into courting.” For that reason, Violet says, during times when she’s trying to pour all her energy into her work, in lieu of a monogamous partner, a friends-with-benefits situation can work—the energy expenditure is lighter lift, leaving her more available to be productive in other pursuits.

But also, connecting with potential new partners over apps can be straight-up stressful, especially when it comes to expectations of frequency and intensity of text messaging.

“My first piece of advice is to not have any expectations of any man you are talking to that you just met.”

“To women who are going through this, my first piece of advice is to not have any expectations of any man you are talking to that you just met,” says Forshee. “Focus on your personal goals and your career. A man who comes along who is confident and secure with himself will support and appreciate you and your goals.”

Emily Holmes Hahn, the founder of the New York City-based matchmaking service LastFirst, has another piece of advice: Be realistic about the changes you might have to create in your own life—professional and otherwise—to create room for a relationship, if that’s what you want.

By the time you’re in your thirties, says Holmes Hahn, you most likely know who you are. That’s a good thing. But it can also mean that you’re more set in your ways and in your life. “You’ve got great friends, you’ve got activities you’re involved with, you’ve got your career—all this stuff that is making you happy, and a guy needs to fit into that, so you can continue with the life you’ve built. And that can be hard, because you can’t abandon all these things you love to do. But relationships do mean compromise.”

“People will say ‘I don’t want to settle’—and that’s great, you should never settle. But compromising is life.”

Holmes Hahn worries that people have started to think of compromise as a bad thing, which might be another reason that it’s harder to find a potential date preferable to, say, a night with Netflix where you get to make all your own choices, or even putting more effort into getting a promotion at work after-hours. “People will say ‘I don’t want to settle’—and that’s great, you should never settle. But compromising is life. It’s relationships. And I’m afraid those words have become synonymous.”

She also frets about the damage that dating apps has done to the way we organically connect with people. While it’s fair to say that there has always been an element of superficiality to dating, dating apps have changed the way we interact with what’s beneath the surface. What’s more is that we prioritize perceived compatibility—attributes of a person that seem like they fit with our own personalities and lives—rather than how someone makes us feel.

“People find themselves being with someone just because their career schedules are sympatico, or because they have similar interests—which is nice,” she says. “But in the ‘olden days’ of six years ago, before Tinder, people were actually meeting each other and seeing, ‘this person really makes me laugh’ or ‘we’re different religions or we have totally crazy schedules but we feel good together, and so I’m going to try and make this work.’”

Maria Molland Selby, the CEO of THINX, thinks that it’s not having a solid relationship and a demanding career that’s the challenge: It’s more finding a partner who is in step. “As I look back on my thirties, it’s not that I didn’t want a relationship,” says the now-married mom, who is 44. “It’s that I wasn’t willing to settle. And when you get two people who are really career-focused, that can create some problems, too.”

“It feels burdensome to, over and over, have my independence and success used against me.”

On top of everything else, it can also feel like the new way we search for a partner is more like ordering from a menu than seeing what the chef serves up—and that’s not necessarily making things easier. In summary, Holmes Hahn says: “You can’t rely on another person to make you happy so you work hard on building up your life and career. But you do need to be open to love, and, if the right person comes along, realize that might mean making certain changes to your life.”

But even if you’re willing… you still might find yourself waiting for the person who appreciates all that you’ve built before they showed up. Of her breakup with that recent beau, Balestrieri says, “The whole thing was heartbreaking, because we were so well-matched, but his shame and insecurities prevented him from being able to trust that someone could care about him.”

As they parted, he kept telling her that eventually he’d disappoint her, because she was too good for him; he also hinted that—because she was so great—most men would be disappointing. “I don’t know that I agree with that,” she added. “But certainly it feels burdensome to, over and over, have my independence and success used against me.” At least for now, she’s still waiting for a stronger suitor to come along.

Ask anyone who has been single the past few years who wants a relationship and they’ll give you a laundry list of grievances. To say modern dating is tough may be an understatement, and while dating apps and sites are supposed to make the process easier, for many, technology is often the leading culprit in miscommunications, hurt feelings, and unwarranted expectations.

Many dating experts and psychologists say that while having lots of choices can help you choose someone who fits your wants and needs, it can also have the opposite effect if you want to eventually settle into a relationship. “The concept that common courtesy is often lost. People don't have the civility to end things, they just ghost them, or ignore them with no explanation,” says psychologist Nikki Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC.

Esther Boykin, a licensed love and relationship therapist says modern dating is complicated, too: “Technology can bridge the gap and make it easy to connect with people all over but it can also intimidate and confuse the rules of engagement. People of all ages find themselves with more questions than answers when it comes to how to date now. I don't think it had to be something complicated but I see clients and friends definitely struggle. The downside of more options to meet and connect means that there are more opportunities for miscommunication and misunderstandings.”

So if you’re trying to field the sometimes very rocky road of modern dating and find yourself frustrated and about to give up, take some comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Here, real singles share what they dislike the most about modern dating.

1. I Don’t Like Being Summoned

“I dislike how guys are now used to being able to just ‘summon’ a girl over and not put in a lot of work first. It ruins it for those of us who actually want to be courted and date!’ -Jenna, 31

2. I Don’t Like Feeling Disposable

“The fact that everyone seems to hate ‘modern’ dating apps, but there seems to be no other way. It's like the way we date has become a necessary evil. Even so, if something isn’t perfect about a person, we just get right back online without considering giving it a chance - it all feels like a disposable mindset.” -Zoe, 28

3. I Don’t Like That Love Isn’t a Priority Anymore

“We are also increasingly independent, so perhaps dating becomes less important, even so, isn’t love supposed to be one of the greatest parts of our lives? Not the most frustrating one?” -Hilary, 40

4. I Don’t Like Being Cyberstalked

“I can't keep up! You are pre-screened and ‘cyber stalked’ prior to the first date, and sometimes you are left with nothing to talk about/explore about the other person. I believe in the organic process, and truly find that moment upon first meeting that gives you the childish butterflies to be lost.” -Jonathan, 32

5. I Don’t Like How I’m Judged Purely On My Looks

“Let's be honest, apps like Tinder put an emphasis on looks versus real qualities like personality. ‘Swiping right’ on a potential match is most likely done because we like what we see. We know nothing about this person, besides a not-so-slick pick-up line or cheesy one-liner, yet we swipe right if we're attracted to the photos we see (if it's even them).” -Meg, 24

6. I Don’t Like How I’m Messaged

“Today's 'modern dating' scene lacks the chance for people to connect based solely on their actual characteristics and non-physical qualities. Most Tinder/Hinge/Bumble stories I hear involve a guy messaging a girl to ‘come over,’ versus ‘Hey! You seem like a great girl. Want to meet for dinner sometime so I can get to know you better?’” -Mallory, 29

7. I Don’t Like How Chivalry Seems to Be Dead

Modern Dating Culture Reddit

“I'm constantly hearing that in the modern dating era, chivalry is dead, which I hate. Love and kindness will always exist, as should chivalry.” -Kate, 26

8. I Don’t Like How We Aren’t Willing to Give Relationships a Chance

“I not a fan of online or app dating, I haven't had great experiences with it. I don't have issues meeting men or dating, the issue is finding a man who wants the same type of relationship I want which is somewhat traditional. A few have said they are on the same page as me in the beginning but after four to six months, they seem to change their tune. In my opinion, since there's so much ‘choice’ out there especially with online dating, men don't seem to put much emphasis on building a monogamous relationship. I'm sure some men may say this about women as well.” -Maria, 41

9. I Don’t Like Not Being Called

“I really really wish men would get their head out of their asses and out of their phone and approach more women in public. I feel like there is no social aspect left in dating. Picking up a phone seems like such a foreign concept and the idea of actually romancing a woman seems to be long dead as well. It makes me so so sad. I just want to be courted and romanced like men used to do. I can't remember the last time a man called me or actually made nice date plans other than ‘Wanna hang out or get drinks?’ It’s a hard time to be single!” -Julie, 28

10. I Don’t Like How We Rush Into Sex

Christian Dating Reddit

“I hate that sex is basically expected right out of the gate. Not to bash sex on the first date (which can be great) - if you're both attracted to one another and the chemistry is just palpable, absolutely go for it. But the expectation that sex will occur just because the date did turns dating from a way to connect into a way to get an orgasm. This particular 'modern dating' expectation sets up the stage for dating to be this goal-oriented process, and it turns the people involved from complex beings with depth and history and feeling into simple tools for orgasm. Sex is the most powerful, most intimate, and most meaningful when you've got a connection with someone. It would be great if modern dating would allow some time and patience to really build and feel those connections. I'm in the process of getting my sex therapist certification and trust me — sex is infinitely hotter and more pleasurable when you're intimately connected.” -Renee, 25

11. I Don’t Like How Dating Feels Like a Job

“I dislike the lack of control. I find myself treating dating a little bit like a job, where it gets frustrating because you have no idea why someone is rejecting you and there's not much you can do about it. This year my New Year's resolution is to stay off dating apps and ask out at least one person a month — so far I asked out two guys in January and one in February. It makes me feel like I am making the decisions and am running the game, whereas even on Bumble, you send the first message, sure, but then it's a waiting game still. The power is back with someone else.” -Rachel, 27

12. I Don’t Like Being Overwhelmed With Choice

“The apps i find the most useful, but at the same time the most frustrating. I get overwhelmed too quickly, and often will ask out a girl and just never follow up. Not that I’m trying to be mean, but if you have 20 girls wanting to go out with you, I don’t have the time or money to try. And it is scary to think that maybe i passed up something good.” -Jeremy, 29

13. I Don’t Like How ‘A Drink’ Is Considered a Great Date

“I get it — first dates can be a little iffy, so it's probably safer to meet up at a bar for a drink to make sure you aren't crazy/psycho/emotionally unstable. Which is totally fine. But why, for a second date, do they keep suggesting we just go get drunk? Which I'm not totally anti either — but you could pair those drinks with something else that I would probably like, going bowling and getting drinks. Or go see a gallery opening and get drinks (which could be 100 percent free if you do it right). Or go to concert and get drinks (also could be basically free, if you choose the right venue). If a dude suggests that we just go to another bar for a second date with nothing else planned, it basically just tells me that he didn't pay enough attention to me during the first date to figure out an interest or hobby of mine and can't think of anything better to do than go to a bar, which, I’m sorry, is just kind of pathetic. I'm not necessarily asking to be ‘wined and dined.’ But I do kind of expect you still want to impress me on the second date - and going to the same Irish pub in a different part of town doesn't strike me as an exciting or impressive.” -Valerie, 34

14. I Don’t Like How You Feel Like You’re Dating When You’re Not

“Right now, I’m in two texting conversations with two different guys, three conversations on Hinge, and no dates planned. I feel like I’m ‘dating’ but I’m not actually going anywhere because ‘This week I’m traveling for work’ or ‘It’s a crazy week! Sorry.’ I don’t want to talk and talk to someone before meeting them to see if there’s chemistry, but the actual process of getting offline seems like just as much work as the endless swiping. It’s often exhausting before it even begins.” -Lindsay, 27

15. I Don’t Like Knowing It All

“The thing is, our parents could have had these same experiences when they were dating, but there was no Internet to stalk, no app notifications to light up our phones and no way to misread text messages because you had to speak on the phone. I think a lot of things get lost in translations when we’re all hyperconnected all the time. I miss the mystery!” -Jordan, 29

16. It's Getting Harder To Tell If There's Chemistry

'Theres pretty much no correlation between the online chatter and if it'll be a good date or not. You have to spend 2 hours of your life with someone you've literally never seen in person and have no idea how it'll go.' - Andrew, 29

17. I Don't Like How We Judge Each Other

Dating Subreddits

'I feel like, with dating apps and our busy lives (in NYC at least), we're not really taking the time to get to know each other. I get it, no one wants to waste their precious time, but I think we're making judgements way too quickly on first dates and online. From ridiculous dealbreakers to the way we analyze text messages, I feel like we're not really giving people fair chances.' - Jenny, 28

Modern Life Dating Reddit

Reddit Dating Apps

Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.

Reddit Dating Profile

Images: Fotolia; MickeyMau5-Mix/Tumblr; The Frisky/Tumblr;WhenYouLiveinBerlin/Tumblr; TonsofGIFS/Tumblr; Giphy